


Americano

by kmlo2



Series: As Always, It's Coffee [1]
Category: B.A.P
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, and melodrama, so much of it i think i'm gonna puke, there's brief mentions of the other members too btw, wow i wasn't expecting that tag to already be on here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 03:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1672244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kmlo2/pseuds/kmlo2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yongguk is the barista at the coffee shop Himchan frequents, and perhaps that's all he'll ever be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Americano

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first of three one shots written for a friend of mine, which was then posted to AFF. I'm still pretty fond of it so I'm posting it here too.

The first time he lays eyes on Kim Himchan, he is impeccably dressed, not a hair out of place. He looks nothing short of perfect as he stands in the doorway of the small, self-owned coffee shop. The girl hanging off his arm chatters away as they find themselves a seat at the table by the window. When he walks to the counter, his steps are elegant. When he places his order, his gravelly voice embraces the words ‘americano’ and ‘latte’ like loved ones. As he speaks he holds eye contact, and once he pays, Himchan spares his name tag a glance just so he can smile at him and say,  
  


“Thank you, Yongguk.”  
  


The first time he lays eyes on Kim Himchan turns out to be much like the second, third and fourth times. The only difference is the sorts of girls he’d bring with him into the coffee shop.

So far they’ve all been quite dissimilar – there was the prim and proper brunette who covered her mouth while she laughed; the ditzy blonde who didn’t understand any of his jokes but giggled anyway; the snappy redhead with a foreign name who spoke to him as if she was a guy too. While Himchan only ever drinks americanos, his dates’ orders have seldom been the same – one week it’d be mochaccino with skim milk, another week chai latte, and yet another week hazelnut macchiato with extra cream.

Each week Yongguk observes with interest the new subjects brought in by Himchan. Which of these girls is Himchan’s true type? He is outgoing and can talk comfortably with anyone, and he has pretty diverse interests. Whenever Yongguk isn’t serving other patrons, he tends to hang around the counter and catch snippets of his conversations.

Himchan could talk about anything and everything. If it interests his date, he’ll talk about it. He is always so animated, like a child telling his mother about a story he’d read. Then when he gets a response from his date, he’ll smile the most genuine, wholehearted smile Yongguk has ever seen. In these moments, Yongguk often finds himself turning around or ducking behind the counter to hide his own smile.

He isn’t sure exactly when it happened, but several weeks later Yongguk realises that, rather than watching the girls Himchan brought with him, he’s begun to watch Himchan himself – the way his eyes move from the menu, to the cabinet, to Yongguk; the way he blows on his coffee before carefully sipping it; the way he pats around his pockets to search for his wallet; the way he says Yongguk’s name each time he places an order.

Once watching him turns into a habit, thinking of him soon follows. When Himchan isn’t in his coffee shop, Yongguk spends the day wondering what he’s doing. On the days he does visit, Yongguk finds that the dimly lit shop becomes a little brighter, and the bitter aroma of coffee beans becomes a little sweeter.

 

  
Despite knowing how much he’s been consumed by thoughts of this particular customer of his, Yongguk doesn’t understand why he can’t stop smiling the day Himchan enters the coffee shop on his own.

The Kim Himchan in front of him on this drizzly afternoon is unlike the Kim Himchan who usually comes to the shop for coffee dates. He waves at Yongguk the moment he steps in the door and makes small talk when he orders his coffee. He asks Yongguk how his day has been, and comments on the new canvas Yongguk put up on the wall next to the counter.

When Yongguk brings the americano to Himchan at his seat by the window, he invites him to sit down, saying there aren’t any other customers around, and he looks like he could use a break. It’s an offer Yongguk can’t refuse.

They talk and talk about everything and nothing, and while Yongguk feels like Himchan is the one directing the conversation, he also feels at ease. He finally has the chance to see it all happen up close – the way Himchan’s lips form an ‘o’ against his coffee cup, the way he moves his head to flick hair out of his face, the way his eyes form upturned crescents when he smiles, the sound of his voice and of his laughter.

He would’ve been lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed when Himchan checks his watch and announces that he’ll be taking his leave shortly.

It happens again the following week, a couple of days after he’d brought a date there. He waltzes in during a quiet hour and sits down with Yongguk for a chat and an americano. After that, he begins to drop by on his own more frequently, just to catch up. Now he can tell Yongguk to get him ‘the usual’, and Yongguk doesn’t wait to be invited before he joins him at the table next to the window.

They'll talk about politics and ethics one day and ideal types the next. There’s really no limit to the topics Himchan would bring up. They'll even talk about Yongguk’s aspirations, his dreams for this small coffee shop, where he wants to be several years from now. Kim Himchan can elicit from him anything he wants, and Yongguk doesn’t mind. Being able to talk to somebody about anything isn’t something he’s used to, but it’s still nice. Then, after an hour or so, Himchan would leave, and there’s times when Yongguk simply stares at the empty seat before him, silently mesmerised.

 

Still, Himchan continues to bring a different girl to the coffee shop each week, and whenever he does, he acts as if he’s a completely different person. He’ll say hello and goodbye and he’ll be friendly and familiar if they spoke to each other, but Himchan makes it clear that the reason for his visit is not to talk to Yongguk. Honestly speaking, he is more than just a little disappointed whenever he brings their orders to the table only to be given little more than an acknowledging nod.

It isn’t until the sixth time he shows up alone that Yongguk realises that Himchan isn’t being two-faced. When Himchan brings a girl, the girl is his date. He will shower her with attention, make her laugh, make her feel loved. When Himchan comes by himself,  _Yongguk_  is his date. He will show Yongguk the same affection and interest he shows the girls he brings along. He’s a person who, once he sets his mind to it, can only see the person in front of him. Once he starts that conversation, he’s totally committed and in that moment, nobody else exists.

Understanding this, Yongguk can’t be upset; if anything, it means he’s been on the receiving end of this treatment more often than anyone else, and while the girls are different each week, Himchan always orders an americano when he visits, without fail. It’s these small, insignificant things that give him hope. Regardless of the girl who clings to Himchan each time he drops by, Yongguk doesn’t get jealous – he’s simply content in watching him sit at the table, sipping a coffee that he’s prepared with his own hands.

 

  
Late one evening (as far as coffee dates go), Himchan appears at the shop again, holding the door open as beautiful young lady steps inside. She is slender and tall, and her long white summer dress only accentuates this. Her head is lowered so that her wavy caramel locks obscure her face, but Yongguk can still make out her delicate features. She has an almost celestial glow about her. In her hands she holds a sketchbook, and a small box that Yongguk guesses contains her art supplies. She beams when Himchan pulls a chair out for her at the table by the window.

As Yongguk takes his order at the counter, he gives Himchan a nod in approval, and the latter responds with a lopsided grin. Once he brings them their orders, he retreats to the safety of the counter and, out of habit, begins to listen.

He is mildly surprised at the fact that he can’t really hear them. Himchan isn’t exactly a quiet person. He throws a fleeting glance in their direction to find the couple absorbed in conversation, leaning in towards each other, as if afraid somebody would overhear. He notes fondly the way Himchan looks at her – he’s so captivated by her, he hardly says a word. This is unusual. Yongguk has never seen him so awestruck by any of his dates.

Oh well. There’s a first time for everything, Yongguk thinks. It is the same thought that crosses his mind when Himchan fails to turn up on his own the way he’s done for the last few months since he started frequenting the shop. It is the same thought that again crosses his mind when Himchan shows up the following week with the same girl.

And so it continues, week after week. Yongguk watches Himchan and the girl sit together and talk softly, tenderly. He watches, as they grow closer with every visit, until finally they’re holding hands across the table, staring into each other’s eyes without need for words. There’s a little corner of his heart that wrenches each time they walk in together, each time Himchan puts his arm around her or pulls her chair out for her. At the same time though, he knows it’s not his place. Although he’s been on the receiving end of Himchan’s date treatment, he knows that ultimately he’ll never be seen as anything more than the barista at Himchan’s regular coffee shop. The only thing that surprises him is the fact that it hurts so much.

 

Week Number Four has barely passed when he sees Himchan standing in the doorway on his own again. He bounds up to the counter and smiles when he calls out Yongguk’s name, and the latter can’t hold back a smile of his own. When they sit down for their long overdue catch-up, the first words to leave Himchan’s lips are those of apology. He’s been busy and it’s been hard to find time to pop in by himself. Yongguk gives him the most reassuring smile he can muster, saying he understands completely. The topic naturally shifts to the girl who Yongguk’s established is now Himchan’s girlfriend, and the look of elation on Himchan’s face is unlike anything Yongguk has ever seen.

They’d met each other by chance, when he was on his way to the office and had (quite literally) bumped into her outside the art academy up the road, knocking her art materials out of her hands. Everything happened the way things happened in dramas – he helped her pick up her things, they locked eyes, he offered to take her out for coffee that evening to make it up to her. From that day, they had kept in contact and started to see each other for dinner and sometimes lunch, if Himchan’s schedule allowed for it.

Himchan isn’t certain when it happened, but it dawned on him just how much he felt for this girl, and he finally asked her to be his girlfriend. Yongguk simply sits and listens as Himchan expresses how beautiful and gentle and kind and angelic she is, the gifts he’s bought her, the paintings and sketches she’s dedicated to him. It’s enough, Yongguk thinks, just to have him sitting here and talking freely the way he used to. He’ll sleep peacefully tonight, having seen Himchan smiling away happily.

And sleep peacefully he does, for the next week or so. Himchan keeps up his non-date visits and makes sure to tell Yongguk everything his Angel has done for him since their last meeting. Soon enough though, instead of reveling in Himchan’s excitement, his heart begins to ache because of it. His laughter becomes more agonising the more Yongguk hears it. With each visit, Yongguk’s hope slowly dwindles. He can’t bear to listen to Himchan sigh, to watch him stare dreamily out the window, to be in his presence while he’s so  _happy_  – not when someone else is the source of this happiness.

It pains him to sit back and watch as this girl becomes all Himchan cares about, while he himself will always simply be the barista at Himchan’s regular coffee shop. He balls his fists as he comforts Himchan after their first argument and grits his teeth as he helps him pick out couple rings online for their hundredth day anniversary. But while it hurts to witness Himchan slowly falling deeper in love with another person, Yongguk cannot bring himself to even consider going between them, because how much  _more_  would it hurt to see Himchan suffer?

This is only the beginning, however. On days when Himchan doesn’t show, his girlfriend turns up without him instead. As it happens, Yongguk’s coffee shop has become her favourite too. She brings her own friends with her, other girls with the same long hair and wispy dresses, all armed with cameras and sketchbooks.

Sometimes there’s a young man with them, with neat brown hair and tan skin. His fashion sense seems to be similar to Himchan’s, with his dress shirts and tight jeans. The only difference is that while Himchan is slim and dainty, this man has strong, toned arms and an overbearing personality. He doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the group, but he seems to be quite enamoured by Himchan’s girlfriend. The more he joins the girls on their coffee dates, the more it becomes apparent.

It has always intrigued Yongguk, the way his customers ignore his existence aside from when they place their orders. Himchan’s girlfriend and this new guy are no different. They probably think he doesn’t notice them sitting closer together than before, or holding hands under the table, or leaving together to go to her place for the night – or maybe they simply assume he’ll turn a blind eye.

 

  
The last straw is the night Himchan rushes in just before closing time, bouquet in hand. Judging from the look of pure joy in his eyes, Yongguk somehow knows this night will not end well.

He’s practically jumping up and down when he announces to Yongguk that he is going to ask his girlfriend to move in with him. He pulls Yongguk into a hug and bounces around and the excitement in his laughter is beautiful but at the same time unbearable. Yongguk stands stock-still.

Himchan can’t understand why Yongguk isn’t being happy for him. He pulls away from him when it becomes obvious that Yongguk isn’t going to return the hug, and asks him what was wrong. That’s when Yongguk decides this can’t go on any longer. He can’t just watch from behind the counter anymore. Hands wringing at the black apron around his waist, he lets out everything he’s been holding in – everything he has wanted to say but couldn’t for fear of hurting Himchan.

He tells him about the young man who accompanies Himchan’s girlfriend on her supposedly girls-only coffee dates. He tells him about the way they look at each other, how they hold hands and how they leave with each other to do goodness-knows-what. He tells Himchan everything he thought he knew about this girl up till now is a lie. She isn’t the angel he thinks she is. She doesn’t love Himchan the way Yongguk loves Himchan.

They both reel at Yongguk’s last statement. Neither had seen it coming, not even Yongguk himself. If not for the rage coursing through his veins, his heart would’ve broken for the look of utter loss on Himchan’s face.

Next thing he knows, Himchan is yelling, calling him a liar and a coward for using this sort of tactic to confess to him. The hand holding the bouquet is shaking, petals falling to the ground from the movement. Even though Yongguk rebuts, saying he’s only trying to tell him the truth, Himchan isn’t having any of it. There’s no way  _she_  would do this. She’s perfect. She’s his Angel. Yongguk has it all wrong. He is delusional and blinded by his jealousy.

Himchan’s words hit him like a punch in the gut, but although he’s yelling at Yongguk at the top of his lungs in desperation and anger, he never raises a finger to touch him. Instead, he storms out, slamming the shop door behind him.  

Yongguk doesn’t blame Himchan for his words and actions – he can’t. Perhaps he had been right. Perhaps Yongguk really has been blinded by jealousy, and he really is delusional. Perhaps he is a coward and a liar. Perhaps he’s ruined everything he and Himchan shared, whatever that may be. There’s no hope for them anymore, not that there was much hope for them to begin with. When he locks up the coffee shop for the night, he doesn’t expect to ever see Kim Himchan ever again.  
  


 

The following morning is an overcast one, and Yongguk seriously considers staying home and not opening the shop. He looks out his window. It had probably been raining all of last night. He immediately thinks of his regular patrons who’ll need a hot cup of coffee to start their day – that gloomy businessman, that tall, lanky boy from the art academy, that cheerful lady who works at the florist – and his conscience gets the better of him.

Sighing, he begrudgingly drags himself out of his apartment just as it begins to pour down with rain again. Perfect.

He regrets not going back to fetch an umbrella. The usually brief and uneventful walk to work is today long and tedious and daunting. Slowly, the cold gets to him. His toes are numb, having indiscriminately stepped in every puddle in his wake. He doesn’t want to face the day, even though he knows he has to. He doesn’t want to accept the fact that he let the man he loved slip right through his fingers and into the arms of some girl who’d cheat on him in a heartbeat. It takes every last ounce of willpower not to turn around and run back home, though when he sees a figure curled up outside the shop, Yongguk wishes he had done just that.

  
It’s Himchan.

  
He’s wearing the same clothes he had been wearing last night, and they’re soaked through – even more so than Yongguk’s. God knows how long he’s been sitting here like that. When he looks up at Yongguk he chuckles, and it sounds at once relieved and melancholy. His eyes are red and puffy as if he’s been crying all night and there’s a split on his lower lip that has scabbed over. Yongguk has an inkling of what may have happened after he left the coffee shop yesterday.

Without a sound, he unlocks the door and Himchan follows him inside. He leads the other male to sit at the table by the window and gently dries his hair with a towel he finds in the storeroom, taking in how pitiful he looks now that he’s saturated and helplessly shivering. He places a small fan heater at Himchan’s feet and briefly tells him he’ll get him the usual before jumping behind the counter to do just that. As he does, Himchan relays to him the events of last night in a hoarse, tired voice.

It’s just as Yongguk suspected – he went straight to her apartment. He caught them in the act. He had an outburst and carelessly let himself get socked in the mouth before the guy made a hasty escape. She had screamed, cried, told him he was useless and that she had never loved him. He didn’t feel like going home, so he spent the night outside the coffee shop in the rain.

Hearing all this makes Yongguk want to walk over and clip him about the ear, or perhaps say ‘I told you so’, but instead he brings over an americano and sets it down on the table.

They sit in silence for a while, an unusual occurrence for Kim Himchan. He focuses on finishing his drink, hands still shaking as they tightly hold his coffee cup. At length, he puts it down and begins to speak again. He speaks of his remorse and how betrayed and empty he feels because he had trusted her and loved her with every fibre of his being. He chokes back a sob and Yongguk’s heart breaks again and again with every teardrop that rolls down his pale cheeks.

Yongguk watches until he can’t watch anymore and finally he reaches across the table and uses his thumb to wipe away Himchan’s tears. In but a whisper, he tells Himchan everything he’d been meaning to tell him; that he doesn’t have to cry, that he’s safe here, and that even though Yongguk is nothing more than the barista at his regular coffee shop, he’ll do whatever it takes to make Himchan smile again.

When he doesn’t react, Yongguk’s heart sinks. He’s probably gone and said the wrong things again, but he keeps going, adamant that Himchan needs to hear him out. Yongguk tells him how much he loves him, and that he doesn’t expect him to return those feelings, because simply accepting them is enough. He’ll be content as long as Himchan knows that somebody out there cares about him.

He flinches when Himchan takes hold of the hand that’s still stroking his cheek. He anticipates harsh words or a smack upside the head, but unexpectedly, Himchan brings his hand to his lips and softly kisses his knuckles. Though his smile is fleeting and unsure, Yongguk sees it. The three short words that leave his mouth are enough to make his heart swell.

  
“Thank you, Yongguk.”

 

Maybe there’s hope for them after all.  
  
  


 

_Americano - End._


End file.
